September Blues

Date: 06/09/2013

Weigh In: 158.8

Currently Watching: Huge (tv show)

Current Thinspo: Mary-Kate Olsen

Currently Reading: Wintergirls

I hate when September rolls around and all the students are off to school and I'm stuck here. 

I love the strict regime of school

I love learning and I love restricting while I'm at school.

Unfortunatly I quit my job at the end of August in order to go to France with my mum

Now I'm stuck trying to find a new job. 

Truth be told, I miss my old job cleaning houses as I lost so much weight 

and could fast without people asking questions.

As much as I love the Fall fashions and being able to layer clothes to hide my body,

 it reminds me that winter is coming soon which means the year is practically over.

I've vowed to workout as much as possible outside (walking dog, biking) 

especially since I don't have a job right now. 

I'll wait until the snow comes (November) and then I'll get a gym membership 

before all the "New Year's Resolutions" people invade the gym.

My mum has been driving me crazy, constantly nagging and me and barking orders

it makes me not want to apply to jobs because she keeps yelling at me about it. 

I also want to move out asap but I need a job first.

All this anger towards her has motivated me to do a hungerstrike.

Unfortunatly, it was broken the other day when we had a family BBQ 

I couldn't avoid it.

I ended up eating and then leaving to purge

after everyone left I exercised for the rest of the night.

I'm going to the Fall Fair tonight with my friend, not eating.

I then have a wedding on Saturday and I can't avoid brunch

the good thing about being vegan is that you don't need an excuse to avoid certain foods.

I need to get to the 140s asap.

July 9th, 2013

Weigh in: 166.4 (-1lb. from yesterday)

Currently Watching: Garden Party

Current Thinspo: Willa Holland

Currently Reading: Wasted by Marya Hornbacher (almost done!)

I have been binging a lot lately due to stress at work

I did a liquid fast today

Only 2 iced coffees & a diet coke

I've started to make lists of "rejected food" that I have refused to eat 

it makes me feel in control.

I've decided to start a new diet that I'm calling "selective menu"

basically, restricting...

This includes:

Breakfast: 

1 iced coffee (30)

1 apple (80) OR 20 grapes (69)

Lunch:

Diet Coke (0)

2 Stalks of celery (12) OR 1 medium carrot (25) OR 1 cup of cucumber (16)

Dinner:

Herbal tea

* Allowed to eat protein when feeling weak ~ 1 veggie dog (50)

* If FORCED to eat than stick to a salad with the dressing on the side

* Allowed to eat either sugar free jello (5) or caramel rice cake (50) when feeling the need to binge

*Allowed to eat either 2 Ryvita Crackers (70) or a Rice Cake (40)  on the weekends

I have a friend who I'll be texting my intake to

in order to keep my intake in check

We'll also be each others "binge busters"

My trip to Paris is going to be coming sooner than I think

I need to lose this weight.

Call Me Maybe?

I'm a horrible friend.

My old friends from Uni. have texted & e-mailed me

I have yet to respond. 

The only time I contacted my friend was when 

she found my mother on facebook 

& messaged her about me(I deactivated my account)

Since then she replied & sent another e-mail as well as texts.

I lied & said my phone wasn't working properly

or that I was busy

I haven't seen my friends since January.

It's not that I don't want to see them (well kinda..)

I just want to be thin when I do.

People whom you haven't seen in months are more likely

to notice if you've lost weight

as opposed to those that you see 24/7

Oh, Scodelario! [THINSPO]

I just finished watching "Skins: Fire"

I have and will always love her figure

Enjoy the Spam!

xox

July 3rd, 2013

Weight: 164.6 (-2.2lbs.)

Intake:

Too Much.

Exercise:

Not Enough.

--------------------------------------------------

I pre-planned my day.

150 calories. No more, no less.

I woke up late and was already stressed about my day.

The fact that the kitchen was empty triggered a binge.

This binge was repeated throughout the day.

Especially as I became more and more stressed.

I purged a bit but I doubt it made a difference.

I am dreading tomorrows weigh in.

I plan on doing a liquid fast for the rest of the week.

July 2, 2013

Weight: 166.8 (-3lbs.)

Intake:

Breakfast:

Pear Baby Food (70)

Lunch:

2/3 cup of Baby Food puffs (40)

McDonalds Large Coke Zero (0)

Dinner: 

Carrot Baby Food (50)

Water w/ lemon (0)

Cinnamon & Sweetener tea (0)

McDonalds Large Diet Coke (0)

Exercise:

375 minutes cleaning (921)

8 km walk (292)

200 side stretches (per side)

100 windmill stretches

200 inner thigh stretches (per leg)

200 scissor kicks (per leg)

8 minute arms [youtube video]

8 minute arms [youtube video]

200 crunches

3 minute dance

July 1st, 2013

Intake: 

Breakfast: Cinnamon/Sweetener tea

Lunch: Diet Coke

Dinner: Two cups of lavender tea w/ cinnamon

Exercise:

A few hours of gardening/weeding

New Month, New Goal

I'll admit, 

I'm one of those girls that goes all out with dieting at the start of the month, 

gets so overwhelmed by work that I stress out

 & binge more than restrict/fast

I weighed in this morning at 169.4...Almost threw the scale out the window.

A few summers ago I was focused on work, restricting & over exercising

I lost 30lbs. and felt amazing. 

Since then, I've had family members die which caused me to binge 

I went from the 140s to the 160s

I've been squatting here for sometime and I need to lose.

I'm currently taking Raspberry Keytones & CLA

as well as Hoodia extract &

 fiber pills which help to keep me full

I'm planning on doing a liquid fast today

in order to ring in the new month on a good note.

I'll update later.

Mischa Barton: Weight A Second!

Before

Now

I used to watch The O.C religiously, becoming more & more 

jealous of Mischa's body.

I decided to start watching it again and I

realized I haven't seen her in years.

The last thing I recall seeing her in is St. Trinian's 

which was in 2007. 

According to imdb.com

she hasn't taken a break from acting but most of her films

 are B-listed or straight to DVD.

It seems that in Hollywood, 

your weight correlates to your success

much like in real life where thinness & beauty 

give you more opportunities.

As much as I hate bashing celebs 

its great to use as a warning of what happens when you gain.

Leslie is the Mann!

George of the Jungle (1997)

This is 40 (2012)

I just finished watching This is 40 

I cannot believe how amazing Leslie Mann's body is, 

especially after having two children.

The first time I ever saw her was in George of the Jungle

That's roughly 24 years ago

She still looks the same & maintained her shape.

Paparazzi shot (2013)

I mean, for fucksakes!

This woman is older than I am & has a thigh gap

I hope to God that I can look that good in my 40s

June 29, 2013

Currently Watching: LOL (2012)

Currently Reading: Wasted by Marya Hornbacher

List of Things to do today:

Ship package (trying to sell my University books online)

Get tragus piercing (gift to myself for passing my driving test)

Banking

Weeding (in order to keep my mum off my back)

I look laxatives last night after binging.

I already have the whole weekend-binge mindset

the fact that its a long weekend scares the crap out of me.

I cancelled plans with my friend today in order to have one day to restrict

ended up binging this morning [fuck]

I'm hanging out with my friend all day tomorrow 

I hate having people over because I forget what normal people eat

I'm an all or nothing kind of girl

I either restrict like crazy or binge on anything and everything

I'm fasting for the rest of the day & exercising like crazy

My mum will be happy that I'll be doing tons of chores today.

Ready, Set, Go!

I've started countless journals/diaries and religiously wrote everything down but after a while my forgetfulness turned into abandonment. Since everything is so high tech in today's society, I figured I would start blogging about my eating disorder/weightloss in order to stay on track and be more accountable of my actions.

I haven't weighed myself since Sunday because of my period. Not knowing my weight is killing me but I get triggered so easily and due to the fact that I bloat like crazy on my period, any sign of weight gain will make me binge.

I find it easy to restrict during the week, especially since I clean houses which means I'm always on the go burning calories. However, I tend to restrict during the week and binge on the weekends (occasionally purging when I have the chance) but since my mother informed me that we will be going to Paris/Southern France in August I need to get my ass into shape.

I have about a month to get back on track, I'm cutting calories and overexercising in order to lose as much weight as possible.